Pathway of Clarity
At the very outset of a peace building gathering there needs to be clarity on the contract. The contract applies, of course, to the people who are present but if folks of are of the mind to do so the contract might take into consideration the more-than-human, the natural world, the intelligence of Place and the Unseen landscape too. Initially an acknowledgement of these different frequency of consciousness is a great start but for those who have the will to actively engage in a reciprocal relationship with the land, place and space it is my personal view that the peace building will be much more successful.
A contract is a form of ceremony. A ceremony is a psychic scaffold that we place around a particular threshold or metaphorical line in the sand so as to ensure that we are holding it as sacred. In many ways a contract is already there, implicit, and the process of contracting is about making it explicit. This means that it is a process to approach with a listening heart to what is in the space and allowing all the voices to come forward to be acknowledged and to ask for their needs to be observed and respected.
Just as a ceremony, in its structure, has a beginning and middle and end then so does a contract. What time are we gathering, what day and for how long? How many times? How regularly? A contract also agrees who is in the discussion and where it will take place. There are clauses in a contract to help build a feeling of trust in the space (and the second Lost Rites book goes into group safety in a lot more detail). Safety is the trust in the ability of the space to hold conflict and triggers rather than there being an absence of conflict and triggers.
The gathering will need to agree on how they wish to be spoken to rather than how they wish to speak. It is very common that people feel they have a “right to an opinion” and the “right to free speech” and will use that as shield with which to wage conflict. It is more useful often to ask people how they wish to be spoken TO and pool this in a group agreement that folks can observe together. While there may be variance within a group where some people say “give it to me straight, I value directness” and others say “please take care of my heart and help me receive information gently” for the most part humans will say they wish to be spoken to with respect, compassion and some grace to make mistakes.
There will be more information in later chapters about communication styles but for the most part a group needs to find a shared communication style that comes easily and flows freely rather than making people learn a new lexicon and rhythm.
The concept of bottom lines is important and it is really a nuanced art to negotiate them in a group contract and they are the unacceptable behaviours that would lead to a temporary suspension of the peace building gathering until they can be addressed, released or integrated. I would suggest that in facilitating we start by naming the utterly unacceptable things so people get a flavour of where we might be going; we start with physical violence, there will be absolutely no tolerance of physical harm or any other unlawful activity. Most people are going to understand that!
The contracting conversations about bottomlines can then get “interesting” as once we move outwith the distinction of “physical” violence some people don’t know or understand other forms of violence exist and it can be challenging to learn what they are. To the uninitiated this phase of the process can sound like rule making or shaming of some behaviours and it is key to emphasise that all violence is held with a compassion that simultaneously understands its roots in pain and trauma while also holding up a hand that says No.
Some non-physical violences that may be a deal breaker include raised voices directed at another person (but a raised voice in exasperation but not directed at someone could well be acceptable), name calling, breaking of confidentiality, expressions of racism, sexism, transphobia, ablism or any other oppressive verbalising of violence needs to have a pathway of action pre-determined how the group would like to approach that. And we will cover this in later chapters (in particular 26 - 29 Endings, Boundaries, Endurance and Fortitude).
Another major factor that will contribute to the success of a peace building gathering is the grounding of the event in some form of sacredness. Obviously this kind of language is not for everyone but if at the beginning a mapping can be done of the values that people most appreciate there are likely to be some commonalities; like respect, love, compassion, growth and nature. If that is the closest thing the group has to a higher power then that is immensely powerful in and of itself.
If working with a community that has a shared faith then placing the tenets of that faith in the centre of the process will yield results.
Whatever forces the group decides is guiding, loving and holding them it is so important to embody that by starting in silence, pausing regularly and finishing in silence to observe this Mystery that works through us all.
Worksheets for this section include:
Contract template for facilitators
Contract template for communities
Mapping templates for shared values
(Worksheets to follow in the coming weeks)