Pathway of Deep Listening

This is a skill that all of us practice until our dying day. In fact, sitting with the dying is a very good way of practicing deep listening. I recommend sitting in silence with people and experiencing this body sensations of what happens when their is no sound to listen to. What do you sense in the silence? And can you discern for yourself what, in those sensations within you, is yours and what is others? Can you use your body as a receiver of information without the words and sounds of verbal communication?

It is as if every cell of the body has ears. Your whole being is a receiver (and of course a transmitter). Deep listening, for me, is listening without an agenda to respond, but rather to transmit through the immense peace of your Being that this person has been seen, heard and is accepted.

This takes work, for us all of course. Not all human beings are easy to see or hear. Not all human beings are easy to accept with love. This is why we begin with ourselves and our immediate friends and family. They have much to teach us; the ones in our own sphere. If we cannot listen deeply to the people in our home, then how deeply can we really listen to others?

And how does a human being know they are being really deeply heard? Some people have the indwelling reflexiveness to appreciate the presence of a good listener but others may not. Some simple key practices can help; make sure your eyes stay focussed and your body language tuned in, gentle affirmative breaths or very quiet umm-humms are helpful - just sitting zoned out in silence does not convey deep listening. Expressing empathy is powerful. Simple, authentic expression of empathy allows the speaker to relax.

Sometimes it is very healing to have the listener reflect back what they have heard almost verbatim. This takes skill because I don't believe taking notes is conducive to deep listening - the note pad and pen form barriers between self and other. Better to listen and not to be able to repeat it all back than to make bullet points as you go. But if possible, if you can repeat back what has been shared it can be a reassurance that it has all landed well.

What is happening when deep listening is taking place? Essentially co-regulation of nervous systems. So a person who has processed their trauma, integrated their grief and is able to sit in a regulated state while listening is not only going to be able to listen deeply but in the listening deeply convey a sense of safety to which the speaker may entrain themselves.

The western psyche is not well adapted for eastern meditation techniques. I personally recommend somatic practice and griefwork as ways to clear the chatter of the western mind before settling into single minded focus. If a western mind does not clear their psychic space of the latent trauma and grief of the collective field first then to try to sit in meditation will either suppress the trauma and grief for later or bring up the fight flight response.

Practising regulating the nervous system together is the key - a community that is able to create such spaciousness and peace is one that will be able to hold conflict better when it arises.